Are you an emotional martyr?

Glorious morning!

On this lovely day we will expand together on a quote from -Sharon E. Rainey

“ No more martyring myself “

Sharon is a writer, Activist, and Entrepreneur. She had overcome a series of rare maladies. those illnesses set her on a path to healing, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

What this quote says to me is,  STOP giving more than what is necessary. What does it look like when we give more to people than we should? Well first off, what is a martyr? A martyr is someone who will suffer death to defend a belief they hold. When it's being used in a quote like this, I feel it is saying that she will no longer give until her own self is depleted. Oh I’m thinking a lot of women will relate to this one, although there are plenty of men who take on that role as well. Giving of yourself without weighing the consequences to yourself is like saying everyone else matters more than yourself. When we get ourselves into that exhausting habit, it just keeps taking away from our own well being. I feel people who suffer from the martyr syndrome are trying to earn love or recognition from others because they have not developed the skills to give to themselves in a loving way. Yes Im talking about self love. When we are lacking in the self love area, we find it very hard to not only to put ourselves first, we actually believe it is selfish to do so. This goes back to a previous blog I wrote talking about self love and the fact that we can't give away what we don't have. When we declare for ourselves that we will not be a martyr, we are really saying “ I will no longer deny myself the attention and care that I deserve in exchange for others needs “ “ I will no longer try to earn the love of others “

When we are last on our list, everything suffers in our life. Our health suffers, our self confidence suffers, Our dreams and goals don't get any attention because our time and energy is all taken up by others. Not because they are taking it, but because we just keep giving it. There will never be a shortage of people who will take from a willing martyr. When we finally make a self love decision to put ourselves first on our list and fill our cups first, everything changes. Next time we decide to give , it is on our own terms and for healthy reasons that's wont take away from our well being.

I have absolutely lived a martyr type life to a certain degree for decades. I would deny myself often to please others. Whenever we get into a habit like that we set ourselves up for personal defeat. I was not able to fulfill my own dreams because of that behavior. Here’s the thing, I didn’t know I was doing it. I didn't realize I was unbalanced, I was not making myself a priority and therefore created my own suffering. I would be asked by my significant other to do something, and my spirit would softly guide me to say no, but worrying I might disappoint my partner, I would do it anyway. That my friends is, denying thyself. This type of behavior from me went unnoticed by me for years. No wonder I was not happy and at peace in my relationship. No wonder My dreams were on a back shelf collecting dust. My partner's dreams were more important than mine, not because he demanded it to be so, but because I allowed it to be that way. I was feeding the unbalanced relationship in a way that kept it unbalanced, not to mention teaching my partner that it is ok to keep taking. The wonderful part about this life we are living is we have our own free will and can change our lives in a single moment of declaring “ No more martyring myself!

“. Do you find yourself in an unbalanced relationship where one is giving more than the other and there is unbalance? I can help you with that because I overcame a form of emotional martyrdom myself. Make a free discovery call with me today. Peace be with you, Dawn

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