Are you afraid to disagree?

Glorious morning!

I think we will keep the theme today on the mind and thinking. Today’s quote is from Shane Parrish.

“ We like it when other people agree with us, which is why we rarely say what we are thinking “

Can’t wait to dive into this one, but first a little about Shane Parrish. Shane is an entrepreneur and self help guru who founded the blog Farnam Street. He also host’s a podcast called The knowledge project. He also wrote the book called Clear Thinking. Don’t we all need that lol.

So what his quote says to me is, alot of people are looking for approval and or validation from others. When we are searching for approval, we will talk to be likable and not necessarily from our own opinions. When we have an underlying fear to be opposing, it can very well be because we fear rejection. I think you can all guess where that comes from. Our past story. To put it bluntly, we are all born worthy and perfect in our soul. Ask any newborn if they are afraid to be themselves. Ask any child if they are afraid to be themselves. The only time we start the nonsense of fearing to be ourselves or shine the natural brilliance of our soul, is when we have been told negative falsehoods. It can take just one incident with a parent or teacher where they suggest there is something wrong with us, and that memory becomes part of our story that plays over and over. For instance if a child was ridiculed for spilling a gallon of milk on the floor because they wanted to try to pour it into a cup themselves, can send a disparaging message to themselves that they are stupid or not good at trying new things. It all gets recorded in our minds and becomes a memory. That one little event can solidify a poor self image. Imagine if that was not the only event in their formative years. Ya, this is how we develop self defeating behaviors and come into adulthood with no self confidence and poor self esteem.

So back to the quote of talking to just have others agree, is a form of passivity. It can also be simply a fear of being looked at differently ( as if that is even bad? ). When we can agree to disagree, is when we show up for ourselves in conversations. When we don't really care if someone doesn't like our opposing opinion and say it anyway in a respectful way. When we don’t fear someone rejectioning us is when we know we have arrived at a place where we love ourselves enough to be heard despite pushback or ridicule.

On the flipside, are we okay when someone disagrees with us? That also can be a test of one's self esteem. Do we need the world to see things our way or is it the highway? That is just another form of  no real self confidence. Self confident people are not threatened by anyone's beliefs.

When I was in my marriage, I failed myself many times when I would “ keep silent “ on things to avoid backlash and figured keeping the peace was better. That became a horrible trap for me because my own peace was compromised by not being heard and respected. That only grew the more I did it. Then it ultimately taught my partner that if he got mad enough or displeased enough, alls he had to do was show it in a conversation, and knowing the kids were around, he knew I would basically “ submit “ or “ give up “ and the conversation would end with me compromising my own opinions to be in agreement with him. ( in the name of peace right? ) That's called teaching people how to treat you. I was getting exactly what I deserved when not verbally standing up for myself. So agreeing in conversations to appease instead of express are two very different things. It all depends how much we love ourselves at any given moment.

Do you struggle with speaking your truth for fear of rejection? I can help. Book your free discovery call today. Peace be with you, Dawn

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