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Be The Change
- Dawn DeAngelo
- Mar 24
- 3 min read
Glorious morning!
Today’s quote that we will expand on is a quote from Mahatma Ghandi.
“ Be the change that you wish to see in the world “
If we are to take that quote literally, Whoa! Gandhi did not just create the quote for people to read. Gandhi became the change he was talking about. He spent decades being an example, not just blowing hot air. So what that quote says to me is, if you see something you don't like, stop complaining and do what you can to be the change required to help change the very thing you don’t like.
When we decide to change ourselves the decision is the first little step. The steps that follow are imperative because saying something and wanting something is very different than doing. I spent decades complaining about my ex husband while married to him. Was he doing things that were disrespectful and unhealthy at times? Yes. But what was I doing to change the madness? Unfortunately I spent a lot of those decades trying to change HIM. Trying to convince him how wrong he was for doing some of the hurtful things he was doing.
I finally realized if anything was going to change the unhappiness I was experiencing, it was up to me. I could have gambled and stayed in the marriage in hopes he would change one day, but in gambling there are no guarantees. I eventually decided to take my happiness into my own hands and started drawing new boundaries for myself, boundaries that would no longer tolerate the negative behavior, but that also meant me not engaging in the old negative patterns. Ha ha, easier said than done. When we decide to take a peaceful stand ( like Ghandi did ) the opposing forces can feel threatened and lash out in fearful ways. I stood my ground and kept being the change that I wanted. That required me to not tolerate certain things that were unacceptable to me, only this time I needed to follow through with the consequences of the crossed boundary.
That was a new way of being for sure. My personal requirements changed in my marriage because of me and that changed the outcome of my life. I ended up accepting him for who he was but no longer accepting the behaviors. Because the behaviors did not change, I changed by filing for divorce, not because I didn't love him anymore, but because I no longer was willing to spend any more time fighting for him to change. Those were my options and I chose to change myself. That choice yielded some pretty wonderful results.
Yes the process of dismantling a lifetime of unhealthy patterns was very challenging at times and there was a lot of heartbreak along the way, kind of like mourning a death but it was the death of an unhealthy marriage. When we get out of unhealthy places we free ourselves to search for healthier places. It has been two years since I was legally divorced but the marriage really ended when I drew my new boundary and that was about a year and a half before I filed for divorce. If I had not decided to be the change in my life there is no doubt in my mind that I would still be in the negative cycles of blame and arguing for my limitations. Although I felt terrible that I rejected my ex husband and put my kids through the breakup of the family unit ( kids were all grown ) I do not regret the divorce. I have grown tremendously and have learned to cultivate my own happiness without relying on someone to change in order to be happy. Learning self reliance is the most empowering thing I have done for myself. Being this new example for my kids is also a huge plus. My children witnessed their mother take control of her life. My children are witnessing their mother manifest her dreams and desires. My children will not be able to embrace the victim concept for very long because right before their very eyes, their mother is showing by example how to be the change.
Do you struggle with following through on your personal boundaries? Backpack therapy is an excellent tool to help move you forward beyond your circumstances. Make a free discovery call today. Peace be with you, Dawn
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