Can You Bow Out Gracefully?

Glorious morning!

Today let’s expand on the quote from Jaqueline Elam. “ It is better to bow out gracefully, than to win by default “ Learning how to walk away from something with integrity and grace, whether it’s a relationship or a job can really show how grown we are. Walking away or ending something can go 2 ways.

The first way can be reckless and one sided and the second way can be the restorative way that leaves both parties involved on some level of agreement even while disagreeing, you know , “ agreeing to disagree “. There is always a way to keep the collateral damage that can happen emotionally and or financially to a minimum, but it requires some selflessness and a forgiving natured heart . A Christ- like heart.

Nothing tested my “ ending abilities “ more than leaving my marriage of over 30 years. I can say I definitely bowed out gracefully, eventually…. lol. Let me explain. When I finally came to realize the marriage was becoming a detriment to my emotional health and keeping me from my soul's full expression, I mustered up the courage to take the steps towards divorce. I was scared, I was sad and I felt horrible but knew I had to go through with it. My ex-husband's initial response was not ideal. He took it very personally and got a girlfriend immediately and was showing signs he wanted to give me way less than half of the marital assets that I deserved. That made me mad.

As I was navigating through this ending my emotions were a bit fragile because , let's face it , we had never done this before, so it was testing both of our characters. When it came to discussing the financial parts, it triggered my fears and self worth and triggered his attachment to material things and I would get so angry at the thought of him viewing me as below him and not deserving of half. We had many emotional blowouts. When I would see him getting ready to go out and getting all dressed up it would trigger me because I knew he was going to have fun with his new girlfriend, yes he was dating her while we were still living together and not divorced yet. That made me mad as well. I would get filled up with so much anger and would yell and say  how insensitive he was. We were definitely not doing the divorce thing gracefully. 

Thank God I was doing my daily sadhanas, I walked in the parks everyday ( especially when I got triggered ) I connected with God everyday and asked for help and I did my Tai Chi Gung everyday along with my mala's and reading. Those daily practices helped me realize I needed to see the light of Christ in him no matter how I felt about his action. Well, little by little as I surrendered to my soul's promptings and stopped reacting with my triggered EGO , things started to change. I started trusting in God’s plan for my life more and I started praying for my ex husband. I became calmer and so did he because of that. I finally realized he got the girlfriend to survive emotionally because he was devastated at the fact it was over. I also knew his attachment to money was so big because his trust in God was so small. I started to see him in the light of truth rather than the false truth of my wounded EGO.

I realized he was just as human as me, just as worthy as me, just as emotionally wounded as me and just as scared as me. I was able to see him AS WELL as me in our divorce. When I was able to see that light of Christ in him, I am proud to say, I was able to bow out gracefully. We are friends and love each other very much . I was able to keep the love throughout it all. Not an easy task when it comes to endings but definitely worth it. Learning how to bow out gracefully taught me how to hold the light for others while they are falling short, because let's face it. We ALL fall short and aren't we all here to learn that.Like I said There are 2 ways to end things. We all know if I had not awakened to the realizations that I did, my divorce could have ended with a ton of anger, resentments, retaliation and hatred. Yikes, the very things that cause disease. I am grateful. Do you know anyone or do you struggle with nonforgiveness in your heart? Backpack therapy can help find your triggers so they can teach you instead of running you. Make a free discovery call today with me. Peace be with you, Dawn

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