Do You Get Along With Others?

Glorious morning!

Today's quote I want to expand on is from Theadore Roosevelt.

“ The most important single ingredient in the formula of success is knowing how to get along with people”

Ha, this is not always as easy as it seems. There is a delicate balance of self awareness that is needed. If people can not be aware of their own imperfections or their own ego, then there is very little chance of success in my opinion. When a conflict arises between two people it is always best to respond instead of reacting. Reacting to a situation is usually emotionally driven. Responding to a situation is a more level headed non emotional . I am not saying to be a robot in all situations and act with no emotions. It's human to do that but it can really cloud the reality of a situation. Especially if we take things too personally.

Besides it being beneficial to respond instead of react, its also extremely beneficial to see our own role in the exchange with someone. I have been learning more and more that whenever there is a challenging situation with someone, it ALWAYS has to do with both people. Even if it was instigated by the other person. Let me explain. I was in a marriage where anytime I did not feel like being intimate with my partner he would get kind of upset. That would trigger an old, unhealed triggered reaction. I would then in turn focus on him completely, stating that he was insensitive to me and had a problem with his attachment to sex. While some of that may have been true, why was I getting sooooo upset with “his” problem?

Well I found out through mind tracing and mirror work that my emotional reaction was deep rooted in my unhealed childhood experience. I would then reject him emotionally by retreating from him completely which then triggered his childhood abandonment issues. UGH, it was really messy and all because of each person not looking at their own contribution to the situation. I then started to see that each time the challenge arose, was really an opportunity to heal our old wounds instead of feeding them and keeping them alive. The trouble was, we did not have enough self awareness to see our own baggage that was playing out.

When we can't see our own stuff, we only focused on their stuff and that makes us a powerless victim. Our marriage was not successful because in sensitive areas, we did not know how to get along . The main reason was the inability to look at ourselves. Self awareness is one of  the greatest attributes that we can master. It helps us take more control of our lives and helps us create healthy boundaries. A healthy boundary stems from knowing yourself well enough to create them in the first place. Healthy boundaries are the key to any healthy relationship. Without healthy boundaries we allow ourselves to get sucked into the victim state only focusing on the other person.

In my situation a healthy boundary would have been discussed with my partner, stating my need for a more loving response from him and a more patient response and if I could not ultimately get that from him, we would need to separate, which is what ultimately happened. Not because he was wrong or because I was wrong but because I know what I need and deserve and won't settle for dysfunctional compromise. Dysfunctional compromise stems from not addressing the root of the problem ( not enough self responsibility, self awareness ) and letting time pass without resolution. That is when the problem just keeps showing up and keeps triggering our reactions. If we find ourselves in a cycle of repeated situations and outcomes, then that only means we are not growing. We are not overcoming and no one is to blame for not being able to overcome something. We stay stuck from a lack of self awareness and focusing too much on the other person. That has been the way I have experienced life so far. How about you? Do you find yourself in a repeated emotional cycle with someone? Backpack therapy can help break that cycle with the magic ingredient of self awareness. Make a free discovery call today. Peace be with you. Dawn

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