Hurt people, Hurt people.

Glorious morning!

Yesterday I mentioned in my insight blog that today I would expand on a quote I heard some years back 

“ Hurt people, Hurt People “

This particular quote has actually been attributed to many people, the earliest person I found was Charles Eads. Charles Eads was a principal of a school back in 1948. He was heard saying the quote about ten years later while he was speaking at a meeting for the Parent Teacher Association that was being held at a local Junior High. It could be possible that Charles Eads heard the quote from someone else years earlier who was lost in history. Either way, it;s a great quote that is so simple yet so impactful when contemplated.

What the quote says to me is, when we experience someone hurting us, we tend to emulate the behavior and hurt others. It also brings to mind the saying, “ children live what they learn “ . We are habitual creatures by nature and for good reason, if our brain did not remind us to eat, we wouldn't eat. The reason most people wake up and grab their cell phone is because they got into a habit of doing so, it becomes an unconscious automatic behavior. Before cell phones were invented no one woke up and grabbed their cell phone, we had to be introduced to it first before we made it a habit. Anything can develop into a habit, including hurting others. Yes, even people with big hearts full of love can hurt people. Why is that ? Unconscious habits from past experiences. We all have a beginning and we all have a story. We also have negative chapters intertwined in our story. Everyone's story is unique. No one escapes being hurt or hurting someone. It is part of this human drama, the question is, do we know we are hurting others by our own behaviors? If not, we are doing it unconsciously from an old automatic response. After a violent childhood event perpetrated on me by my uncle at the age of eleven, I was introduced to a rage that almost killed me. And yes my uncle loved me. That awful day unfortunately, my uncle was being run from a learned program from his childhood. I am not excusing his behavior, I am just giving facts as to why these things happen. Hurt people, hurt people. After that impactful day, I had some issues to say the least. I refused counseling at the time due to fear and never processed and released a lot of the negative emotions that were created that day. Can you guess some of my behaviors going forward? Yes, I ended up being a bit of a bully to other children at times at school by being mean to them. Before that day, I may have been a bit bossy in school to other kids but I was not mean or angry towards them. I learned that behavior at the age of eleven. I started to gravitate to kids in middle school who were not so nice at times ( learned behavior )  and together we would occasionally mess with students we knew we could get away with. Perhaps the very students who never learned such behaviors in their past story. We would call them names and sometimes push or shove them if they dare say anything back. Looking back of course this gave us a false sense of control in us where we had felt a loss of control from the past events that were physically forced upon us when we were children. We were basically emotionally out of control inside from fear and pain and grief and it spilled over on the kids at school who couldn't imagine acting the way we did. Perhaps they never learned such behaviors like we did. I now understand my past actions because of self reflection. As I learned to understand ( not condone ) why my uncle would do such an unthinkable thing that day, I was able to make more sense of how this world operates, including me. When we know better, we can do better, and so goes the cycle of life.

Do you hurt people and then regret it ? Do you beat yourself up after you have hurt someone because you don't know why you are doing it? I can help bring some clarity to your life. Make a free discovery call today. Peace be with you, Dawn

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