Teaching people how to love you!

Glorious morning!

I want to speak today about a quote that mentions loving yourself. How do we love ourselves? What does that look like? Let's dig in!

Today's quote is from Rupi Kaur. She was born in India just 32 years ago in 1992. She is a Canadian poet, illustrator, photographer and author. She actually rose to fame on Instagram from her poetry and some controversial artistic photos she posted on the social media site. I love this quote from her.

“ How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you “

Oh I heavily agree with this one. You might have even heard the expression, “ you can’t give away what you don’t have “, again so true. How do we even know how to love ourselves and what if we came from a family that didn't know how to love themselves? Let's start with what it looks like when we don't love ourselves.

First off no one chooses consciously to not love themselves. When you don't love yourself, you don't have many personal boundaries , if any at all. You will allow people to take advantage of you and not defend what you deserve. You may not feel deserving of anything. You might not have any motivation to work on your goals because you feel you don't have what it takes to achieve them. That is a lack of self confidence which is born from not loving yourself enough. When we put ourselves down, even in little ways like “ Oh I’m such an idiot, why did I do that “ or “ I am so mad at myself for letting that person do that to me “ That self-talk only keeps us from loving ourselves even more. Learning to love yourself is really the most important thing we can do. Some of us try to earn love from people by showing them care and affection. While there is nothing wrong with caring and showing affection, why is it ok to give to others while starving yourself? The balance between loving others and ourselves is crucial to thrive in life. We can't rely on others to make us feel worthy or appreciated, when we do,  we become needy and possibly suffocating to others. In the end that repels people.

We also attract people who will NOT love us properly if we are in a low vibration of self loathing and don’t have much self respect. If we want other’s love and respect, it should be mirrored from inside of you, that's what people need to see in order to validate what you are showing from inside. If you are showing insecurities , they will validate your insecurities, if you are showing self loathing, they will validate that. On the flip side, If we are showing a sense of self esteem, they will validate it. If we speak up lovingly when we don't like something or feel something is undeserving, people will respect your boundaries or leave if they don't know how to respect your boundaries from their own self love issues. That would not be a bad thing because you are “ teaching “ them how to treat you, whether they get the lesson or not is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to yourself first.

There are many ways for us to learn to love ourselves. Looking in the mirror and liking what you see is an important first step. If you don't like what you see then it's time to get busy with some healthy self talk and a self care routine. Remember it’s not someone else's job to make you feel worthy and loved. That stuff can only come after you have mastered loving yourself first.

I was in a marriage for over 30 years with someone who didn't know how to love himself, and yes you guessed it, I attracted him right into my life because I did not know how to love myself. I allowed things to happen that always bothered me and never followed through with protecting my boundaries. I denied my own self so the other person could be ok. That's unacceptable. I finally made sure I was in a life that didn't allow things to cross my personal boundaries. We divorced and are now friends. We taught each other valuable lessons that I am very grateful for. I am a better person from it all.

How about you? Has anyone modeled self love and self care for you ? Did anything negative happen in your life that changed the way you see yourself ? I can help you see where your self love really lies and help you move forward with a new and transformed you. Make a free discovery call with me today. Peace be with you, Dawn

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